Fear of rejection holds people back from many things. Whether proposing a deep-seated fetish, or asking someone if they enjoyed last night’s session, the potential for turndown is scary. Telling your partner that you’d like to have sex with other people? Now that’s a whole other scary-ass ballgame.
How do you suggest sharing one of life’s most intimate activities, without upsetting your partner? Honestly, there’s no guaranteed approach. Your partner’s response will depend on how it’s presented, your existing relationship, and their own open-mindedness. Feeling hot ‘n ready? Here’s 5 ways to suggest swinging to your partner!
1. Learn your partner’s views on swinging
A casual mention of swinging in conversation isn’t a bad first-time approach. You could mention a news article or a movie that talks about swinging (see below) to gently test the waters.
2. Watch a movie or TV show about swinging
Swinging is slowly easing its way into modern media in a better light. Movies, TV shows, and books are beginning to offer an improved view on the lifestyle, making it gradually less taboo. Check out any of these the following movies and TV shows to ease into a discussion on the lifestyle.
TV Shows about swinging
Playboy TV’s own series, “Swing” is arguably the most entertaining (and accurate!) resource on swinging out there. The reality-style series takes place in a mansion full of swingers, and each episode features a couple who is new to the lifestyle but wants to try swinging. The show truthfully presents the lifestyle’s ups, downs, and dramas. Warning: prepare to binge watch – this show is seriously addictive.
Other documentaries and TV shows on swinging:
Movies about swinging
While not as full-on as the TV show Swing, these movies feature the lifestyle in a positive light:
3. Read websites or books on swinging
Perusing articles and blogs (like this one!) can be a good way to slowly digest the concept of swinging. This format allows you and your partner to revisit topics as needed. There is certainly no shortage of reading material out there!
Blogs & websites about swinging
- Life on the Swingset
- Reddit swinger thread (great for asking questions from swingers)
Books About Swinging
- Swingland
- Swinging for Beginners
- The Ethical Slut (on swinging, polyamory, etc.)
- More Than Happy: A Practical Guide to Polyamory (mainly on poly, but topics are insightful for swinging)
If you want to learn about sex clubs, you can check out our basic info here. It’s also wise to do a Google search for sex clubs in your region, and many clubs offer FAQs and basic introductory info.
4. Watch porn that features swapping, group, or threesome play
If you and your partner enjoy watching porn together (or would consider trying), this can be a fun and sexy way to suggest how hot a particular fantasy would be to fulfil. A glass of wine (or several) can be a playful aid here 😉
5. Suggest a sexual fantasy that involves other people
Another way to propose swinging is to share sexual fantasies that involve other people. See how your partner reacts to this. Are they curious? Skeptical? Shy? Gently inquire if she or he has their own fantasies that involve other people. Some examples include threesomes, having sex with two people at the same time (e.g. double penetration or “DP”), or being watched by other people while having sex.
6. Propose visiting a sex club, swinger party, or meeting a couple
Meeting up with couples
Online platforms like Red Hot Pie can be a comfortable way to ease into the lifestyle. These websites offer profiles where couples post photos, descriptions, what they’re interested in, etc. You can message couples and arrange a meet-up, with clear discussion beforehand about what you’re after (e.g. full swap, soft swap, or just see where it goes!).
Finding a swinger’s club
You can check our global directory, or do a Google search to look up swinger’s clubs (sometimes called “sex clubs”) in your area. Be sure to read up on our swinger’s club etiquette before going!
Finding a sex party
Lifestyle parties can be a bit trickier to hear about. Usually an invite is required, which involves some form of connections and networking. As you meet couples and/or attend sex clubs, you are more likely to get in the know-how of events. Swinger platforms like Red Hot Pie do sometimes list events and parties, and you could receive a message invite on there too.
Be kind, not pushy
Even if you don’t get the response you want, always be supportive to your partner on the topic of swinging. Keep in mind that the suggestion to swing can be interpreted in many different ways. Without a proper understanding of what swinging entails, the idea can easily be taken poorly.
Whatever you do, don’t be asking, “how can I make my partner to swing or swap?”. That wording alone implies a sense of urgency. Swinging should be fun and communal, not angsty and one-sided. In other words, swinging should never be a forced activity.
Above all, no matter what your partner’s response, always keep their desires and needs at the forefront. The lifestyle is pretty much congruent with the quality of your relationship. Talk lots, check in plenty, and begin when you’re both ready. Happy swingin’!
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