When first toying with the idea of swinging, the one question likely on repeat in your mind is, “am I really ready?”. While there’s no surefire way to answer that, there are some ways to know you’re prepared to at least dip your toes in. Here’s 6 signs you’re ready to swing!
1. You are secure in yourself
A basic level of self-confidence is essential to swinging. If you’re insecure, you’ll likely feel threatened by many aspects of the lifestyle. Watching your partner be with another person, being around other naked people, exploring new boundaries, dealing with rejection – all of these scenarios require some self-assurance to not become threatened or hurt.
Now, it’s perfectly normal to have some self-doubt. But if you are highly insecure, the lifestyle is not going to be a cozy adventure for you. Why? Insecurity is the gateway to jealousy, and jealousy leads to conflict. It’s not that jealousy is abnormal or can’t happen to you – it will. But a serious amount of insecurity is a recipe for mishaps and meltdowns.
2. You are confident in your relationship
This one is HUGELY important, and will ultimately determine the impact that swinging will have on your life. If your relationship is rocky, it will be hard if not impossible to survive the storms of the lifestyle.
What does a secure relationship look like? Both partners should be confident in their communication, and genuinely care about each other’s wellbeing. Before beginning swinging, you should have a reasonable sex life by default. What I mean by that is this: swinging should not be the replacement for your existing sex. You need to still have that connection with your partner to balance that aspect of your own relationship.
3. You are capable of clear, honest communication
Any swinger will tell you that communication is the single most important trait to surviving long-term in the lifestyle. Newsflash: mind reading is not a successful communication tactic! Both partners need to be mature enough to express discomfort, envy, jealousy, or disinterest at any point in time. In other words, if you haven’t told your partner what you’re thinking or feeling, you cannot expect them to “just know”!
Communication should happen during swinging events, and afterwards too. Discussing things you liked, disliked, and want to try again is a good way to stay on the same page. Finally, it’s wise to have a safe word. This can be handy to discreetly signal discomfort and/or a desire to leave a situation at any time.
4. You have clear boundaries and rules
For most people, a “wait and see” approach isn’t a great way to understand each other’s limits when swinging. While it’s okay to modify your rules at any time, you should at least have some baseline rules and comfort zones to start.
Often when couples begin swinging they have rules like no kissing other people, or no full swap with another couple. Whatever the boundaries, be clear and agree on limits that both partners are comfortable with. Generally it’s best to start slow, discuss new steps as they come up, and proceed at a pace that feels mutually right.
Here are some scenarios and boundaries you may wish to discuss. Think about whether you are comfortable doing these things with just each other, with other partners, separately vs. in the same room, and if both partners can do these things with anyone:
- Oral sex
- Fingering/manual stimulation
- Playing with or sharing of toys
- Partners playing with people of both genders
- Having sex with anyone other than each other
- Having sex in different rooms
- Having sex while the other partner is not
5. You are willing to stop swinging at any time
Your own relationship should always take precedence over swinging. If it does not, this reflects that you care more about swinging than your own partner. Surely, that is not why you entered swinging in the first place!
No matter how immersed you may be in the lifestyle, your partner’s concerns and wellbeing must always be the #1 priority. If you need to take a break from swinging or drop it entirely, you should be willing to do that. Always keep your relationship as number one!
6. Both partners are 100% on board for the right reasons
Both partners need to genuinely be interested in swinging for it to be sustainable. The lifestyle should not be a last resort to save a dying relationship or a stand-in for your current partner. Swinging should enrich your sex life, not replace it!
Without a doubt, the lifestyle offers infinite sexy adventures to those who explore it. While it can be scary to sink your toes in at first, it’s definitely an exciting ride once you’re ready.
When did you know you were ready to swing? What tips would you have for newbies looking to plunge into the lifestyle?